Bourbon, Cola And The Brutal Reality Of Growing Older

There are moments in life when reality arrives not with a bang, but with a sip.

Mine came recently when my doctor suggested I should “cut back on sugar.”

Reasonable advice, of course. Doctors love saying things like that. It sits comfortably alongside:

• “You should exercise more.”
• “You need better sleep.”
• “Maybe less stress.”
• “Reduce processed foods.”

Wonderful concepts. Harder in practice.

Still, determined to embrace a healthier lifestyle, I decided to make one small but meaningful adjustment.

Instead of bourbon and cola, I would switch to bourbon and diet cola.

How bad could it be?

The answer, unfortunately, is not good.

The First Sip

The first sip was not merely disappointing. It was confronting.

The familiar smoothness of bourbon mixed with cola — that slightly sweet, caramel warmth that somehow signals the end of a long day — had vanished entirely.

In its place was an artificial, metallic aftertaste that lingered like regret.

A Betrayal Of Expectations

The true shock is psychological.

You expect certain things from adulthood:

• Bills
• Responsibilities
• Interest Rates
• Government Forms
• Random Lower Back Pain

But nobody prepares you for the moment when your own doctor effectively declares war on enjoyable beverages.

You begin negotiating with yourself:

• “Surely one normal cola isn’t fatal.”
• “Perhaps the sugar balances the bourbon scientifically.”
• “Maybe stress from diet cola is worse for health overall.”

This is how rational adults become amateur nutritional philosophers after 8pm.

The Great Australian Bourbon Tradition

Bourbon and cola occupies a special place in Australian social culture.

It is:

• Barbecue Friendly
• Cricket Friendly
• Camping Friendly
• Friday-Night Friendly
• Sitting-On-The-Deck-Thinking-About-Life Friendly

It is uncomplicated.

No sliced cucumber.
No activated charcoal.
No bartender explaining the emotional journey of the cocktail.

Just bourbon. Cola. Ice.

Australia understands this.

Or at least it used to.

The Problem With “Healthier Alternatives”

Modern life increasingly feels like a series of substitutions designed to preserve lifespan while quietly reducing joy.

We now encounter:

• Low Sugar
• Zero Alcohol
• Reduced Salt
• Plant-Based Everything
• Gluten-Free Versions Of Foods That Never Needed Altering

Some are excellent innovations.

Others feel like elaborate punishment systems created by people who dislike happiness.

Diet cola with bourbon falls firmly into the latter category.

Age Changes The Equation

The truly difficult part is accepting that your body eventually begins issuing ultimatums.

At twenty-five:

• You could consume anything.
• Sleep four hours.
• Recover instantly.

At forty-plus, your body behaves like a unionised workforce lodging formal complaints.

Suddenly:

• Sugar Matters
• Cholesterol Matters
• Sleep Matters
• Blood Pressure Matters

Even your doctor starts speaking to you using the tone mechanics reserve for ageing vehicles.

“We just need to monitor a few things.”

Never reassuring.

The Search For Compromise

Of course, compromise eventually emerges.

Perhaps:

• Smaller Glasses
• Better Bourbon
• Less Frequent Drinks
• More Ice
• The Occasional Full-Sugar Cola As A Reward

Because life cannot consist entirely of sacrifice.

There must remain room for simple pleasures, even slightly irresponsible ones.

Civilisation itself was arguably built by people enjoying beverages they probably should not have consumed in such quantity.

Final Thoughts

I understand the doctor’s advice. I genuinely do.

But after trying bourbon and diet cola, I also understand why some people simply decide to “live dangerously.”

There are limits to what the human spirit can endure.

And somewhere on that list, between tax returns and airline food, sits bourbon mixed with diet cola.

Some things in life are technically healthier.

That does not necessarily make them better.